There is, in my mind, a consensus among most people who cook or bake heavily that if you are going to make something, you should try to cook it from scratch as much as possible. It is as if the thought of using even one thing pre-made is considered cheating. However, as much as I love to cook, there is a reality of the fact that I work a 30 hour a week job, am trying to get this blog (among other things) off the ground, and have a life that does not allow me to always cook or bake everything I want to from the barest of bones. For example, I love baking bread and rolls, it's a lot of fun and it's nice to be able to see your ball of dough balloon into this monstrous blob that later becomes bread for you to eat. However, I have a lot of off days. Days where baking, as fun as it is, seems like a chore that will just make more mess than it's worth. I have to balance my love of creating with that lack of energy to do anything other than look at scary stories on the internet. So I give in, I buy rolls from the store instead of making them and they taste pretty good.
Yet there is always that tiny guilt, isn't there?
The knowledge that you could have made this yourself, that you didn't have to buy that box of mac and cheese when you could have bought noodles and cheese and it would taste far better than that ugly highlighter orange-yellow powder that seems ungodly. How do you begin to tell yourself that it is okay to have slacked off, especially when you profess so often how much you love to cook and bake for everyone?
For me, it is the realization that I, like the rest of us, am unfortunately only human. A human with a condition that makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes much less make a bunch of food for people. It is a struggle, especially when your mind screams out how you could be doing so many other things instead of cooking, or even just reminding you that you have no idea what exactly you are doing with this recipe, you're just winging it and all your hard work may be for nothing, or a burnt meal at least. I often try new recipes rather than sticking to old ones when I do major cooking, and each time there is always that lack of confidence in what I might be making. Sometimes the voice is small; sometimes it is loud.
It's wrong though. Each time I make something, it turns out to be pretty good, even when I am less than confident in my abilities. My guesses are educated, my attention to details of the dish, and to making sure I keep an eye on the clock whenever I cook has always helped me excel. If you are reading this because you're new at cooking and don't feel like you can make anything good in the kitchen: you can. You may have to learn a few tricks, you may need to keep practicing, or you may need to give in on occasion to the temptation of the simple meal in a box. The important thing is you keep trying, you keep pushing your limits of culinary skill and learn to make as many things as possible. You might surprise yourself with what you are capable of.
If anyone wishes to share any culinary anxieties or tips on how to overcome them, feel free. My biggest one was trying to make a roux for the first time, I was so afraid I'd burn it. I didn't but I don't think I will make one for a while because of how unnerving making it was. I get easily distracted so anything that requires me to sit at the pot for a long time makes me nervous, especially when it can burn in an instant.